Faith

My Dull Testimony

The number one question a christian gets, especially and new christian, is What is your story? More specifically What is your testimony, How did you come to Christ? If it’s not worded like this often you are asked to share your testimony.

Well there are many different answers. Most have some really big dramatic, traumatic, or life altering answer. Stories like;

When my husband almost died I didn’t know where to turn to so I prayed for the first time and he pulled through God answered me….

I was living on the streets and God helped me turn my life around….

I died and met Jesus, it was amazing….

Now there isn’t anything wrong with any of those, those are amazing and tear jerking if anyone has been through those stated above I applaud you for having to go through that. With me you don’t need a Kleenex or to worry about ruining your make-up.

My story, testimony, whatever you want to call it doesn’t feel as miraculous as everyone else’s to me. I often feel like maybe I’m not doing it right or I’m missing something and I didn’t experience my true testimony yet. I have since learned that this isn’t true, everyone has a different story to tell and everyone lives and come to him differently. That we are all living testimonies that are different.

My Story

I was born in a normal family, as normal is just a statement. My mom was a single mother and we lived with my grandparents. I grew up in a typical Christian house, we went to church and contributed our tithing like most Christians would. We prayed at each meal, so on and so forth, nothing dramatic about that right.

Well skip a few years, in high school I hung with the wrong crowd, made a few good ones and a few bad ones. I started seeing a guy in my freshmen year of high school, he probably wasn’t the best for me. At the end of freshmen year of high school and beginning year of sophomore, I ended up pregnant at 15. I questioned faith because I didn’t look for it or live by it. I considered myself spiritual. I often said;

I know there is God and the Devil but the in between isn’t all true. The bible was written by man and translated by man so how much of it was twisted to manipulate and sway mankind! How much did we translate wrong or what have we left out

Needless to say I don’t think that way anymore, so as a whole, I didn’t find faith, it found me. While pregnant I questioned God I asked him why, I didn’t understand. I prayed (more like talked to him) if he could send me someone who would really love me, not leave me or hurt me, not abandon me or manipulate me, not see me as a disappointment or a failure. When I gave birth to my healthy baby boy I didn’t realize at that point that he answered me.

After I gave birth I was a wandering soul, I didn’t want to go to church and didn’t want anything to do with anyone. I wanted to isolate myself from everyone because I felt so much guilt, ashamed, and hurt. I felt like I was just one big disappointment. I soon ended up in bad relationships one right after the other. The worst of all of this was that my sons biological father made me feel ashamed and unloved. I felt the worse of myself and I ended up in a relationship that mimicked it. I was with a controlling self-absorbed man who abused me and cheated on me and lied to me. I soon left him after one abusive night.

I felt hopeless, I then I was confronted with God again, I asked him why. What did I ever do to deserve any of this, I asked him to help me. I asked him if anyone will love me like they should and if I will meet someone who will treat me how I should be treated. I realized that I needed to change first, I needed to be better to get better. I needed to love me for who I was!

Then met my husband, and like I mentioned in a earlier post, finally there was a light at the end of my tunnel and I married him. I eventually had more kids with then man I married. We have been together five years going on six and married two going on three of those years. About half way through I was offered to attend a mom’s group at my grandmothers church, at first I went to make everyone happy but then something changed. I felt like I needed to start going there. So I started going to to services and then worked my way up to a life group. If you are to ask some of the people at my church what I was like, I could guarantee that they would have said I was quiet, shut off, and didn’t know a whole lot.

I still don’t know a whole lot but I am learning with each step I grow stronger in my faith. Sure I stumble, no one is perfect, no one gets it right all the time but I know that I will be helped up.

Conclusion

Nothing dramatic, life altering, or traumatic right?  Wrong I had many dramatic and traumatic things happen to me since the age of 15, I just never looked at it these were just pieces of stepping stones in my path that would soon be my testimony. I will say that I never had that Eureka moment like most if not all Christians, so I often feel something missing or incomplete as if I’m doing faith wrong as I stated before.

As if I haven’t truly experienced that ah ha moment, like a friend of mine lost everything and God gave her that “light bulb going off” moment.

Part of a testimony you should state how you came to Christ , how his grace saved you, and what he did to save you.

Answer: I didn’t come to Christ, he came to me, while I did hide a little and strayed off the beaten path. God’s grace saved me by just putting me back on the right path. He used my trials and emotions to save me, he had me suffer to realize that I did need him. I suffered for too long without him and I didn’t want to suffer anymore, I realized I wasn’t meant to fight on my own. As generic as that sounds. I do know that the suffering will always be there and will always be a daily battle but when you have Jesus it isn’t a battle.

My testimony isn’t all that great like others out there and is dull a bit, so when I get asked that question I freeze as if I’m in this blank stare and I don’t always know how to respond. Now don’t get me wrong God has done wonders in my life that I can’t explain and am grateful for. Like giving me children, having a family, a husband that actually love me who treats me as I am supposed to be treated (which is a story for another time), and keeping my mother alive.

When I get asked my testimony I often say that I just strayed off the path and God’s grace saved me and brought me back. I am not a perfect Christian and I certainly don’t do good all the time. If I were perfect I would be like Jesus and I am not him, I CAN however live as close to what he wants me to. No one is perfect like him, and no one saves like him. So don’t give up for he is there! He is waiting for you to say I am ready for you!

What’s your story? I would love to hear your testimonies….

1 thought on “My Dull Testimony”

  1. Thanks for that.

    There are no dull testimonies, they are the stories of people who love God and respond to God’s love for them.

    God loves us as we are, not how others would like us to be, and I admire your honesty. Keep it up.

    Like

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